There will always be changes in your life and it is very normal that you sometimes feel resistance to them. A change can make you insecure or anxious, you may not feel like it at all, or you may but still feel some resistance or doubt somewhere. Think of a move, a new relationship, or the end of one, a new job or function. But they can also be small changes.
In recent years my life has been full of change; moving, buying a camper, no permanent place to live, new holiday home, long journeys, new assignments and changes in Dutch law regarding self-employed persons
Perhaps the most constant thing in my life is that there is continuous change.
And I thought that I actually had little to no trouble with change and lived very well ‘go with the flow’. That is partly true, but I notice that I still have quite a bit of resistance sometimes, which manifests itself in doubt but also in irritation, for example.
All this made me delve deeper into why we humans sometimes find it difficult to change and where that resistance comes from and how to overcome it
Why do we resist change?
Apparently it is a very natural reaction of ourselves when we feel resistance to change. Because our brains like predictability and routine; you know where you stand, you know what you have to do, etc.
When there are changes, that certainty is disturbed and we start to feel uncomfortable or even threatened.
Besides the fact that our brain likes this route, your resistance can be caused by:
- Fear of the unknown: you have no idea what the future will bring. What you have may not be the best, but at least you know what you have.
- Loss of control: you may feel powerless when there are big changes
- Fear of failure: you may be (unconsciously) afraid that you cannot handle the change
- Loss of certainty: you may lose your familiar environment (moving, another job, etc.).
11 questions to help you when you feel resistance to change:
If you consciously reflect on your answers to the questions below, you can better understand the change, it can give you insights into the change AND into yourself so that you can then deal with it more positively.
Of course, you don’t have to answer all the questions, some may be ‘no brainers’ for you, and other questions challenge you to really look at yourself honestly.
- What is changing in my life that I am currently resisting?
What exactly is changing? Try to map out every detail. - Why do I resist the change?
What is the cause of your resistance? What are you afraid of? Is it perhaps fear of the unknown, loss of control or do you have no confidence in the change or certain people? - What are the benefits of not changing?
What is the result of keeping things as they are? - Which emotions play a role?
Are you feeling angry, frustrated, insecure, sad, anxious? If you can name and acknowledge your emotions, it can help you cope better with the change. - What are the disadvantages of this change?
Are the disadvantages really bigger than they actually are? What is the worst that can happen? Try to look rationally and critically and know that fears are often irrational and unfounded. - What are the benefits of this change?
In addition to getting a clear picture of why you feel resistance, it helps to look objectively at what the benefits of the change are. What is the best thing that can happen to you? - What are the disadvantages of not changing?
ometimes holding on to the old seems best, but is this true? - What steps can I take to make the change easier?
If you can break the change down into small steps, it will give you more peace and clarity. If you can break the change down into small steps, it will give you more peace and clarity. Perhaps there is an opportunity to actively participate and you can exert influence.
Try to get clear about what the first or next step you can take to contribute to this change and when that is. - Who can help and support you?
Who around you can motivate you, advise you or simply lend a listening ear? This can be friends or family, but also a coach. - What have I learned from a change in the past?
What was a big change you had before and how did it go, what did you learn from it and what were the positive aspects of it? If you have this clearer, it can help you to have more confidence in this new change. - What is the most important thing I can learn from this change?
You can see change as an opportunity to grow, rather than a threat. What can you learn? What new possibilities arise? Will you meet new people or go to a beautiful environment?
Additional tips to gain more insight into your resistance.
Write down all your answers to make it visual.
And with this, tell your brain that it really is.
If you focus on the positive aspects of the change and you can look at yourself honestly and without judgment to see what the deeper causes of your resistance are, this can help reduce your fear of change.
You may also want to keep track of what you experience during a yoga class or meditation in relation to resistance.
Change does not happen overnight. Allow yourself to go through the process of change, be patient with yourself, but also try to be honest.
Depending on whether the change is a bit smaller or very big and comprehensive, focus on the process, take your steps 1 by 1, and celebrate your successes, whatever they may be. This can be practical but also emotional aspects.
Standing still means going backwards, it is sometimes said. Progress is growth. Now standing still is a bit subjective, I think. And I do not agree that standing still always means going backwards.
Standing still at what is, can provide a lot of insight. But in the context of resistance to change, you can focus on growth and see the positive side of it. Change can provide positive stimuli, which can ultimately give you a sense of happiness.
Hi, my name is Jolinda, and I work as a holistic health practitioner. I provide yoga and meditation classes and massage and Reiki treatments, mindfulness training and happiness coaching,.
With my blogs I hope to inspire you to make positive changes into your life. For more ideas and tips check out my page Jolindas inspiration. Free trainings and videos you can find at free downloads and videos
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